My best friend and I are in constant competition, and she always wins. I’ve known her since year 1, and we used to be enemies, and I’m starting to realise why. Back then, it was just a matter of her beating me at everything academic and being more popular. Now we are friends and in our teens, its starting to get more complicated.
She still beats me in every subject at school. The teachers still love her. She gets more popular by the day, whilst im eclipsed by her shadow. She is thinner and prettier than me. Clothes hang better on her. And every boy I meet has eyes for her, not me. I’m not normally a competitive person, but this friendship brings out the worst in me and I really think I’m starting to develop some issues. I get jealous of everything she has, every time someone compliments her, every little victory she scores over me. I know friendship shouldn’t be like this, and it’s all my fault, but how can I change how much it hurts to be constantly overlooked and outdone when no one is there to tell me that I’m special, too? There is nothing I am good at that she doesn’t do better. She even has the same hobbies as me, but more of them. I can hardly tell her I don’t want to be friends because she is good at everything. That would be stupid. But I’m sick of never having a nice conversation any more without someone saying ‘Ellie is so pretty.’ whilst totally ignoring the fact that I’ve made an effort or achieved something I’m proud of. It’s like I’m invisible. Is this what it’s like to be the ‘ugly friend’? Do I just need to get over myself and live with it? What can I do to make it easier not to care? I’ve given up trying to outdo her, it’s just impossible and disappointing. Help!