Why do you always hear ” Oh she’s a bad mother” because she spends too much time at work, or doing stuff that a woman likes to do away from the kids sometimes, but a father when he spends a lot of time at work, with his buddies, or doing hobbies, he’s never really called ” a bad father.” Explain.
Furthermore, why is the woman that must choose between career and child? Why isn’t it ever the father? Why isn’t a father critisized because he choses to have a full time career, but a woman isn’t? Isn’t a woman just as equal a parent as a man? It’s not as if one made a baby and the other didn’t
I’m confused.
Heinz M
May 18, 2010 at 12:54 am
Because the mother’s are considered to be in charge!
The government has decreed it by giving the kids to the mother’s almost regularly, with fathers being pretty much sidelined.
Having that on their side, naturally also puts the responsibility for mismanagement onto their back.
What, do you think mothers should have that privilege AND be able to unload all the crap they produce in that situation on the forcibly absent fathers? Come on, get real!
Katz
May 18, 2010 at 1:20 am
I never heard that…not in my part of the country anyway.
Lisa
May 18, 2010 at 2:04 am
I wouldn’t say that fathers are labeled “bad” for not being around. Although a job is crucial to survive in this world today so I wouldn’t label someone bad for having a job…mother or father. But if the father is never home because of his friends or hobbies then he needs to check where his priorites are.
Some women are the bread winners and the man stays at home with the children. To each his own. All familes are different.
I dont think its safe to say that people see mothers or fathers aren’t fit parents because they choose to have a career.
no one
May 18, 2010 at 2:54 am
People usually refer to them as “dead beat dads” not bad fathers. Perhaps that is the reason.
Mrs F
May 18, 2010 at 3:06 am
I hear “bad father” all the time
and nowadays men stay home as well
nwnativeprincess
May 18, 2010 at 3:12 am
IT IS THE DYSFUNCTIONAL WESTERNER CULTURE IDEAS.
the_sac_kings_r_number_1
May 18, 2010 at 4:09 am
i agree with you, its like just because were women we automatically have to stay home with the children,theres no way a “good mother” can do both work and care for her children! thats bs! many fathers are do share the same title “BAD mother/father”… when it comes to this but w/e we are women we can do anything!!
ignorance_apathy
May 18, 2010 at 4:14 am
The reason you don’t hear people say “He’s a bad father” is because there is another term…”Dead-Beat Dad”
I have heard plenty of men called bad fathers, my father was even called a “bad father” which he isnt at all.
The world is filled with double-standards. It always will be. It has to do with the way you were raised and what your moral beliefs are. If you were to think that the womens work place is the home and the man is supposed to work all day and then be waited on when he gets home…your children will see that and may acctually do that in the future. Its all about what children see and hear and do when they are younger, that determines their actions in the future.
J S
May 18, 2010 at 5:09 am
This is an age old question darling, but there is and always has been a double standard when it comes to rearing families for men and women. But as far as men not being called “bad”. Another term has been coined and it is deadbeat dad. Historically a man has been considered a good parent if he “provides”, brings home the bacon, that kind of thing, you would think in 2006 some of this would have changed but NOPE, racism, sexism ageism all of it is alive and well in our lovely democracy.
jaie's_girl
May 18, 2010 at 5:26 am
i dont think any working mother is a bad mother, they are just trying to make money to support their children and themselves. a women doesn’t have to sit around and be a housewife all of her life. if you want to go out and get a job then good for you, it just means that you’re taking responsiblity for what you’ve created and you’re willing to help take care of it. my father is was house”husand” to me and my seven brothers and sisters whil my mom worked and i never once heard anyone or heard of anyone calling them bad parents. and my fiance and i were talking about child sitters and day care and have decided that is not what we want for our children. he will stay at home while i work or go to school, and i will be home while hes gone. not sure how good this will be but we’ll make it work.
nana4dakids
May 18, 2010 at 5:44 am
What you are saying is true. Women get blamed for choosing to work as apposed to staying home with their children while men are expected to work.
My only explanation is that because women carry the child for 9 months they have more of an emotional attachment to their children than most fathers do. I guess people expect more out of the mother than the father. It isn’t right but it is true.
LSGregg
May 18, 2010 at 6:01 am
I think if you are hearing “she’s a bad mother because she spends too much time at work” the person who is saying it is ignorant and has no right to be talking. The reason the don’t say the same thing about a father because he spends too much time at work and not with the family is because they are again, ignorant. It’s called discrimination, back to the old adage that a woman’s place is in the kitchen. NOT TRUE!! A woman has just as much right to a career as a man, weather she has children or not.
It sounds as if you are speaking to rather old fashioned people with a very poor understanding of modern women.
thatwench
May 18, 2010 at 6:37 am
Don’t be confused. There’s been dysfunctional families since the Stone Age. The definition of ‘bad’ is purely subjective.
It has nothing to do with being a ‘bad whatever’. Nowdays, dealing with the unwanted children you’ve produced is no longer your responsibility. It’s “society’s”. You don’t have to choose between career and parenting, you don’t even have to pay for having your own kids, what with all the tax breaks.
Of course, we who choose not to have kids still end up paying for yours, because I’ve NEVER gotten a tax break for not having kids.
If you can live with your actions, it shouldn’t matter what others think.
J P
May 18, 2010 at 6:50 am
It’s not always like your explaining. There are biological fathers out there called (deadbeat dads) they exist. Women are the nurturers, it’s been that way since god created us.
yasiru89
May 18, 2010 at 6:54 am
It may seem unjust but you must agree that even today a mother is closer to a child and if you look at examples from nature fathers are just a case of ‘wham, bam, thank you ma’am’. A mother nurtures her young and gives them warmth because she’s emotionally ‘in-tune’ and therefore makes for compassionate offspring. Men aren’t so big on the emotional stuff but hey at least they’re there.
Shalamar Rue or MisFit
May 18, 2010 at 7:32 am
Its been the same way for years. Its probably something that will never change.
A man has been the breadwinner, the money maker, the head of the household for years; while women take care of the house the kids, have sex with the husband, take out the trash, cook pay bills and make everyone happy while lying to herself by saying as long as everyone is happy that in turns makes her happy, traditionally speaking.
Although we have advance and changed in our opinions over the years, somethings just stick with us. Also I think it is bred in us as women to give and give and give, often until we have no more to give and we still feel bad because we cant give more.
Lastly while father are expected to provide.. its usually only in a monetary way as us women are the emotiona caregiver, we nuture, and men provide the money. Or so it has been.
It will only be different when all the world see its different as you and I do, until then, we will just have to do as best we can.
Kandis G
May 18, 2010 at 8:16 am
they need to get after the father if they are bad i dont think it is fair at all
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May 18, 2010 at 8:46 am
coz kids need their mothers more than their fathers. in most societies fathers are absent from their children’s lives, thus it has made women hold much greater responsibilities. i know that it hurts me much more if my mother is absent from my life. i don’t really expect my father to be around so my mother is practically the sole caregiver though it’s said in my birth certificate i have both a mother and a father.
Veronica
May 18, 2010 at 9:31 am
The fact that a mother is a “better” parent, then a father is just ridiculous, a child needs both a mother and a father, it should not just be the mother who is around all of the time, a child needs both.